雅思写作范文赏析与评改：跨国公司
Some people think the main benefit of international cooperation is in protection of the environment, while others think that the main benefit is in the world business. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There is no doubt that international cooperation, from private enterprises to governments, has become increasingly prevalent. It is on account of growingly global economy, and it is beneficial for almost every country in the world.
People firmly believe that the international cooperation is good for environment protection. It is well aware that every country has its unique way to protect environment. For example, the Dutch do well in disposing of wastes. They point out that if their advanced technology can be introduced into the developing countries that are hardly to invent such good technology, not only some countries or groups but also all of the people living on the earth will benefit a lot. Of course, the countries that have invented these technologies will have to suffer from the damage in economy more or less.
On the other hand, the view taken by other people is that the main advantage of international cooperation is in terms of business. It is true that the imports have been sold everywhere in my country. To illustrate, a modern car often consists of different components from various countries. In the meanwhile, some necessary goods are always imported from other countries. However, the competition between local businesses and exotic ones is going more intense.
In my opinion, the merits of international cooperation are in both environment and the business. Also, people ought to make the best use of international cooperation to solve the serious worldwide problems such as global warming.
讲评：
原文总体上逻辑是清楚的，直接回答了题中的问题，并得出了自己的结论。结构比较清晰，而且显示了考生在一定程度上运用复杂句型的能力。然而，一些表达显得笨拙或句子之间连接不够自然，有的地方表达的意思不够明确，有些地方不符合英文表达习惯文中出现了一些语法和用词错误。因此考生会在这几个方面失分。因此，根据雅思现行评分标准，我认为该文总分应为6.5分。
修改讲解：
第一段：
1. On account of = because of 多指不好的事情，例如： You have to study harder on account of your failure in the IELTS exam. 因此，用在这里显然不合适。
第二段：
1. People firmly believe 改为Some people claim更为自然一些，也和题目提供的信息相对应。
2. It is well aware thatwell aware 的主语应该是人，不能是it
3. They point out that if their advanced technology 句中有些地方用词重复，另外，现代英语一般用on earth, 冠词省略。
4.最后一句的of course用在这里根据上下文语气来看不太合适，应改为to be sure。Suffer from the damage用在这里也不够准确, 而且读者并不清楚为什么会遭受损失，需要增添细节以说明。
第三段：
1.the view taken by other people 不如改为others hold the view，这样在修辞上和第二段的开始相对应。另外，该句中的In terms of 引导的短语一般不用作表语。
2.It is true that the imports have been sold everywhere in my country.句中的意思不完整，in my country显得累赘。To illustrate 一般不独立使用。In the meanwhile = in the mean time 意思是在此期间，用在这里不合乎逻辑。此句在这里也显得多余，应删除。而且这个句子的意思不够清晰。
3.exotic 用于指公司不符合英语惯用。应改为：foreign companies/businesses.
4.最后一段应该进一步充实。
Revised draft by Wang Rutao
There is no doubt that international cooperation, from private enterprises to governments, has become increasingly prevalent in recent years. It is not only conducive to economic globalization, but beneficial for almost every country as well.
Some people claim that international cooperation is good for environmental protection. They are well aware that every country has its unique way of protecting environment. For example, the Dutch do well in disposing of wastes. If their advanced technology can be introduced into the developing countries that can hardly invent it, not only some countries or groups but also perhaps all of the people living on earth will benefit a lot. To be sure, the countries that have invented these technologies may have to suffer economic losses on a certain level unless their intellectual property rights are protected by the governments.
On the other hand, others hold the view that the main advantage of international cooperation is evident in terms of business. It is true that import and export trade plays a major role in a countrys economic development. For instance, a modern car often consists of different components from various countries. However, to some extent, this cooperation between local businesses and foreign companies has brought about more intense competition around the world.
Therefore, in my opinion, the merits of international cooperation lie in both environmental protection and business transactions, even though it may face some challenges. The improvement of environment and world economy has been an international focus in recent years. Only by working together internationally can people solve the increasingly serious problems worldwide such as global warming and give a boost to the expansion of world trade.
Some people think the main benefit of international cooperation is in protection of the environment, while others think that the main benefit is in the world business. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There is no doubt that international cooperation, from private enterprises to governments, has become increasingly prevalent. It is on account of growingly global economy, and it is beneficial for almost every country in the world.
People firmly believe that the international cooperation is good for environment protection. It is well aware that every country has its unique way to protect environment. For example, the Dutch do well in disposing of wastes. They point out that if their advanced technology can be introduced into the developing countries that are hardly to invent such good technology, not only some countries or groups but also all of the people living on the earth will benefit a lot. Of course, the countries that have invented these technologies will have to suffer from the damage in economy more or less.
On the other hand, the view taken by other people is that the main advantage of international cooperation is in terms of business. It is true that the imports have been sold everywhere in my country. To illustrate, a modern car often consists of different components from various countries. In the meanwhile, some necessary goods are always imported from other countries. However, the competition between local businesses and exotic ones is going more intense.
In my opinion, the merits of international cooperation are in both environment and the business. Also, people ought to make the best use of international cooperation to solve the serious worldwide problems such as global warming.
讲评：
原文总体上逻辑是清楚的，直接回答了题中的问题，并得出了自己的结论。结构比较清晰，而且显示了考生在一定程度上运用复杂句型的能力。然而，一些表达显得笨拙或句子之间连接不够自然，有的地方表达的意思不够明确，有些地方不符合英文表达习惯文中出现了一些语法和用词错误。因此考生会在这几个方面失分。因此，根据雅思现行评分标准，我认为该文总分应为6.5分。
修改讲解：
第一段：
1. On account of = because of 多指不好的事情，例如： You have to study harder on account of your failure in the IELTS exam. 因此，用在这里显然不合适。
第二段：
1. People firmly believe 改为Some people claim更为自然一些，也和题目提供的信息相对应。
2. It is well aware thatwell aware 的主语应该是人，不能是it
3. They point out that if their advanced technology 句中有些地方用词重复，另外，现代英语一般用on earth, 冠词省略。
4.最后一句的of course用在这里根据上下文语气来看不太合适，应改为to be sure。Suffer from the damage用在这里也不够准确, 而且读者并不清楚为什么会遭受损失，需要增添细节以说明。
第三段：
1.the view taken by other people 不如改为others hold the view，这样在修辞上和第二段的开始相对应。另外，该句中的In terms of 引导的短语一般不用作表语。
2.It is true that the imports have been sold everywhere in my country.句中的意思不完整，in my country显得累赘。To illustrate 一般不独立使用。In the meanwhile = in the mean time 意思是在此期间，用在这里不合乎逻辑。此句在这里也显得多余，应删除。而且这个句子的意思不够清晰。
3.exotic 用于指公司不符合英语惯用。应改为：foreign companies/businesses.
4.最后一段应该进一步充实。
Revised draft by Wang Rutao
There is no doubt that international cooperation, from private enterprises to governments, has become increasingly prevalent in recent years. It is not only conducive to economic globalization, but beneficial for almost every country as well.
Some people claim that international cooperation is good for environmental protection. They are well aware that every country has its unique way of protecting environment. For example, the Dutch do well in disposing of wastes. If their advanced technology can be introduced into the developing countries that can hardly invent it, not only some countries or groups but also perhaps all of the people living on earth will benefit a lot. To be sure, the countries that have invented these technologies may have to suffer economic losses on a certain level unless their intellectual property rights are protected by the governments.
On the other hand, others hold the view that the main advantage of international cooperation is evident in terms of business. It is true that import and export trade plays a major role in a countrys economic development. For instance, a modern car often consists of different components from various countries. However, to some extent, this cooperation between local businesses and foreign companies has brought about more intense competition around the world.
Therefore, in my opinion, the merits of international cooperation lie in both environmental protection and business transactions, even though it may face some challenges. The improvement of environment and world economy has been an international focus in recent years. Only by working together internationally can people solve the increasingly serious problems worldwide such as global warming and give a boost to the expansion of world trade.
