Facebook桑德伯格加州大学伯克利分校2024毕业演讲--我从死亡中学到的东西
她是硅谷版的“安迪”，十足的商界女强人，Facebook的二当家，执掌上千亿美金市值的商业帝国。然而正在她事业蓬勃之际，她的丈夫却早早撒手人寰，她又有着惊人的毅力克服悲痛。在丈夫去世一年后，Facebook首席运营官雪莉·桑德伯格学会了如何更有韧性。她在周末加州大学伯克利分校的毕业典礼上分享了自己的经历，并有可能将其写入自己的第二本书中。在演讲过程中，她数度哽咽。马克·扎克伯格在桑德伯格这篇演讲的下面评论：“如此美丽而又激励人心，谢谢你。”
Thank you, Marie. And thank you esteemed members of the faculty, proud parents, devoted friends, squirming siblings.
谢谢玛丽。谢谢尊敬的老师们、自豪的父母、忠诚的朋友们，各位同仁。
Congratulations to all of you…and especially to the magnificent Berkeley graduating class of 2024!
祝贺所有人……尤其是伯克利2024级的毕业生们！
It is a privilege to be here at Berkeley, which has produced so many Nobel Prize winners, Turing Award winners, astronauts, members of Congress, Olympic gold medalists…. and that’s just the women!
在伯克利求学是一件幸事，这里出过众多的诺贝尔奖得主、图灵奖获得者、宇航员、国会议员和奥运会金牌得主……而且都有女性！
Berkeley has always been ahead of the times. In the 1960s, you led the Free Speech Movement. Back in those days, people used to say that with all the long hair, how do we even tell the boys from the girls? We now know the answer: manbuns.
伯克利从来走在时代前列。上世纪60年代，你们的前辈们倡导了言论自由运动。当时还有人说，如果男女都留长发要怎么分辨呢？现在早就有答案了：男生可以梳发髻。
Early on, Berkeley opened its doors to the entire population. When this campus opened in 1873, the class included 167 men and 222 women. It took my alma mater another ninety years to award a single degree to a single woman.
其实在那之前伯克利就已兼容并包。伯克利1873年建校，第一届学生中有167名男生，222名女生。我的母校（哈佛大学——译者注）过了90年后才向女性颁发第一个学位。
One of the women who came here in search of opportunity was Rosalind Nuss. Roz grew up scrubbing floors in the Brooklyn boardinghouse where she lived. She was pulled out of high school by her parents to help support their family. One of her teachers insisted that her parents put her back into school—and in 1937, she sat where you are sitting today and received a Berkeley degree. Roz was my grandmother. She was a huge inspiration to me and I’m so grateful that Berkeley recognized her potential. I want to take a moment to offer a special congratulations to the many here today who are the first generation in their families to graduate from college. What a remarkable achievement.
曾经有一位女性来到这里求学，她的名字是罗莎琳德•努斯•罗姿。罗姿在纽约布鲁克林一处公寓里长大，靠擦地为生。高中时，她的父母让她辍学养家，幸好被一位老师及时劝服才能继续上学。1937年，她从伯克利毕业了，就坐在你们现在的位置。故事里的罗姿是我的祖母。直到现在，她的经历都是我强大的精神支柱。非常感谢伯克利当年慧眼识才。我还要特别恭喜成为家中第一代大学生的才俊，你们非常了不起！
Today is a day of celebration. A day to celebrate all the hard work that got you to this moment.
今天值得庆祝，你们付出了很多努力才走到今天。
Today is a day of thanks. A day to thank those who helped you get here—nurtured you, taught you, cheered you on, and dried your tears. Or at least the ones who didn’t draw on you with a Sharpie when you fell asleep at a party.
今天应该感谢。要感谢帮助你们一步步走到这里的人，感谢培养你，教导你，鼓励你，为你擦过眼泪的人。至少也该感谢你在聚会上睡着后没用记号笔在你脸上乱画的小伙伴们。
Today is a day of reflection. Because today marks the end of one era of your life and the beginning of something new.
今天应该沉思。因为今天意味着你生命中一个时代结束，一个新时代开始。
A commencement address is meant to be a dance between youth and wisdom. You have the youth. Someone comes in to be the voice of wisdom—that’s supposed to be me. I stand up here and tell you all the things I have learned in life, you throw your cap in the air, you let your family take a million photos –don’t forget to post them on Instagram —and everyone goes home happy.
毕业典礼致词仿佛一场青春和智慧之间的交锋。台下青春洋溢，演讲台上睿智深刻。今天我本应跟你们分享一些人生经验。然后，你们把帽子扔到空中，和家人拍照留影，——不要忘了发布在Instagram上，最后大家都高高兴兴地回家。
Today will be a bit different. We will still do the caps and you still have to do the photos. But I am not here to tell you all the things I’ve learned in life. Today I will try to tell you what I learned in death.
但今天会有点不一样。或许你们还是会扔帽子，还是会拍很多照片。但我今天不想传授生活方面的经验，而是想讲讲从亲人离世后的领悟。
I have never spoken publicly about this before. It’s hard. But I will do my very best not to blow my nose on this beautiful Berkeley robe.
我以前从未公开谈论过这件事，其实很难说出口。我会尽量控制住情绪免得哭出来，弄脏这件漂亮的伯克利长袍不太好。
One year and thirteen days ago, I lost my husband, Dave. His death was sudden and unexpected. We were at a friend’s fiftieth birthday party in Mexico. I took a nap. Dave went to work out. What followed was the unthinkable—walking into a gym to find him lying on the floor. Flying home to tell my children that their father was gone. Watching his casket being lowered into the ground.
一年零13天前，我的丈夫戴夫去世了，很突然也很意外。我们去墨西哥参加朋友的50岁生日聚会。我睡了个午觉，戴夫去锻炼。接下来的事完全不可想象，我走进健身房看见他躺在地板上。后来我坐飞机回家将这个不幸的消息告诉了孩子们，最后亲眼看着他的棺材下葬。
For many months afterward, and at many times since, I was swallowed up in the deep fog of grief—what I think of as the void—an emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even to breathe.
他去世后好几个月里，我经常悲伤得无法自已，内心只觉得一片无尽的空虚四处蔓延，占据了五脏六腑，我无力思考，甚至感觉像要窒息。
Dave’s death changed me in very profound ways. I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality of loss. But I also learned that when life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again. I learned that in the face of the void—or in the face of any challenge—you can choose joy and meaning.
戴夫的死深刻地改变了我。我终于明白了什么叫切肤之痛，也体会到痛失所爱的残酷。但我也明白了，当生活给你当头一棒，堕入悲伤之海，你能做的就是奋力游向水面，大口呼吸。我明白了，即便悲伤至空虚，或是面对巨大挑战，你仍然可以选择快乐和有意义的生活。
I’m sharing this with you in the hopes that today, as you take the next step in your life, you can learn the lessons that I only learned in death. Lessons about hope, strength, and the light within us that will not be extinguished.
我跟你们分享亲人离世的感受，是希望能在你们走上社会时就能理解失去的痛苦，明白什么是希望、力量和心中永不熄灭的火苗。
Everyone who has made it through Cal has already experienced some disappointment. You wanted an A but you got a B. OK, let’s be honest—you got an A- but you’re still mad. You applied for an internship at Facebook, but you only got one from Google. She was the love of your life… but then she swiped left.
每个从伯克利毕业的人肯定都经历过挫折。你想考A，结果只得到一个B。你申请到Facebook实习，结果只能去谷歌。你全心爱她，她却甩了你……
Game of Thrones the show has diverged way too much from the books—and you bothered to read all four thousand three hundred and fifty-two pages.
电视剧《权力的游戏》太不尊重原著，你就去看完了4320页的书……
You will almost certainly face more and deeper adversity. There’s loss of opportunity: the job that doesn’t work out, the illness or accident that changes everything in an instant. There’s loss of dignity: the sharp sting of prejudice when it happens. There’s loss of love: the broken relationships that can’t be fixed. And sometimes there’s loss of life itself.
生活中总会碰到很多难处理的事。有时错失机会：工作不合适，遭遇疾病或事故因而一切瞬间改变。有时尊严尽失：刻薄的偏见常常刺痛人心。有时缘尽人散：亲密关系一旦破碎就难重圆。有时不仅是生离，还要面临死别。
Some of you have already experienced the kind of tragedy and hardship that leave an indelible mark. Last year, Radhika, the winner of the University Medal, spoke so beautifully about the sudden loss of her mother.
你们当中有些人已然历经刻骨的悲剧和苦难。去年大学奖章得主拉迪卡曾发表演讲，动情讲述了母亲突然去世的悲痛。
The question is not if some of these things will happen to you. They will. Today I want to talk about what happens next. About the things you can do to overcome adversity, no matter what form it takes or when it hits you. The easy days ahead of you will be easy. It is the hard days—the times that challenge you to your very core—that will determine who you are. You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive.
问题不是这些事情会不会发生，它们迟早都会来的。我想说的是发生之后怎么办，不管什么困难也不管具体什么时候遭遇，关键是怎样从困境中振作起来。其实只有经历了真正难捱的日子，被逼到崩溃边缘，你才能真正了解自己。要发掘真实的内心，不仅要看取得的成就，更要看逆境中如何奋起。
A few weeks after Dave died, I was talking to my friend Phil about a father-son activity that Dave was not here to do. We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave. I cried to him, “But I want Dave.” Phil put his arm around me and said, “Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the shit out of option B.”
戴夫去世几个星期后，我和我的朋友菲尔谈论一场要父亲参加的亲子活动。戴夫不在了，我们只好找别人代替他。我哭着对他说：“但我只想要戴夫。”菲尔搂住我说：“A计划不行了，将就将就用B计划吧。”
We all at some point live some form of option B. The question is: What do we do then?
我们总会碰到不尽如人意只能用B计划的时候，问题是：该怎么面对？
As a representative of Silicon Valley, I’m pleased to tell you there is data to learn from. After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three P’s—personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence—that are critical to how we bounce back from hardship. The seeds of resilience are planted in the way we process the negative events in our lives.
可能有点硅谷的职业病吧，我想说走出挫折也要科学对待。心理学家马丁•塞利格曼（Martin Seligman）研究几十年后发现，从苦难中振作起来关键是做到三点——不要过分自责（personalization）、不要过分解读（ pervasiveness）以及不要以为伤痛永远不褪（permanence）。挺过生活中一次次打击，才能慢慢磨炼出韧性。
The first P is personalization—the belief that we are at fault. This is different from taking responsibility, which you should always do. This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.
不要过分自责，就是说不要把悲伤的原因揽到自己身上。承担责任是应该的，但是痛苦时不要过分情绪化，要清楚一件事，并不是所有的坏事都是自己造成的。
When Dave died, I had a very common reaction, which was to blame myself. He died in seconds from a cardiac arrhythmia. I poured over his medical records asking what I could have—or should have—done. It wasn’t until I learned about the three P’s that I accepted that I could not have prevented his death. His doctors had not identified his coronary artery disease. I was an economics major; how could I have?
戴夫去世后我就忍不住责怪自己。他在几秒钟内死于心脏病突发。我翻遍他的病历寻找线索，看看我要是做了什么，戴夫就不会死。明白这三条原则之后，我才慢慢接受不管怎样都救不了他这个事实。他的医生们没发现他有心脏病，我一个学经济的又怎么可能发现呢？
Studies show that getting past personalization can actually make you stronger. Teachers who knew they could do better after students failed adjusted their methods and saw future classes go on to excel. College swimmers who underperformed but believed they were capable of swimming faster did. Not taking failures personally allows us to recover—and even to thrive.
研究表明减少过分自责确实会让人强大起来。学生挂科之后老师与其后悔没尽力，不如努力改进教学方法帮助以后的学生取得好成绩。大学里游泳运动员成绩不理想，但是只要坚信可以游得更好，就能实现。只有走出过分自责的阴影，才能尽快恢复，甚至督促自己做得更好。
The second P is pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of your life. You know that song “Everything is awesome?” This is the flip: “Everything is awful.” There’s no place to run or hide from the all-consuming sadness.
第二条不要过分解读，就是不要笃定坏事一定会影响生活中每个角落。有一首歌叫《一切都是极好的》，反过来就是《一切都是可怕的》。人们常常会以为悲伤大过天，根本无处可逃。
The child psychologists I spoke to encouraged me to get my kids back to their routine as soon as possible. So ten days after Dave died, they went back to school and I went back to work. I remember sitting in my first Facebook meeting in a deep, deep haze. All I could think was, “What is everyone talking about and how could this possibly matter?” But then I got drawn into the discussion and for a second—a brief split second—I forgot about death.
我跟儿童心理学家聊了之后，他让我尽快恢复孩子们的日常习惯。戴夫去世十天后，他们回到学校，我则回到工作岗位。我记得回去上班后头一次开会，精神都是恍惚的。我心里想的都是，“他们都在说什么，这些小事有什么好说的？”但后来我加入讨论，说着说着突然有那么一瞬，我好像忘记了死亡的悲痛。
That brief second helped me see that there were other things in my life that were not awful. My children and I were healthy. My friends and family were so loving and they carried us—quite literally at times.
那短暂的一瞬让我明白，生活中还有一些事没那么糟糕。毕竟，我跟孩子们都很健康，亲朋好友都那么关心支持我们，那段时间真的多亏他们撑着我才没垮。
The loss of a partner often has severe negative financial consequences, especially for women. So many single mothers—and fathers—struggle to make ends meet or have jobs that don’t allow them the time they need to care for their children. I had financial security, the ability to take the time off I needed, and a job that I did not just believe in, but where it’s actually OK to spend all day on Facebook. Gradually, my children started sleeping through the night, crying less, playing more.
失去伴侣往往会伴随巨大的经济打击，女性更是如此。许多单身母亲和父亲都在非常努力工作，没什么时间照看孩子。跟他们比我不用担心经济
The third P is permanence—the belief that the sorrow will last forever. For months, no matter what I did, it felt like the crushing grief would always be there.
第三条是不要以为伤痛永远不褪，就是相信痛苦会一直继续。戴夫去世后有几个月，无论我做什么都能感觉到令人窒息的悲伤，而且从来没有减轻的迹象。
We often project our current feelings out indefinitely—and experience what I think of as the second derivative of those feelings. We feel anxious—and then we feel anxious that we’re anxious. We feel sad—and then we feel sad that we’re sad. Instead, we should accept our feelings—but recognize that they will not last forever. My rabbi told me that time would heal but for now I should “lean in to the suck.” It was good advice, but not really what I meant by “lean in.”
